Unsanctioned!

Heart attacks are never funny. Every time I meander from the laundry room to the office, I die a little due to the effect as represented on the right by the magic of 1993 era animated gif-iness.

Aaauurrgh!  Person!

Ohh... Mannequin...

Need new shorts.

I am not sure what you might need this for.  It's not like you make dresses.  Maybe you like to keep yourself on your toes by freaking out every time you walk into a particular room.  For the record, do not cover with a white sheet.  That only makes it scarier (and racist).

This is an unsanctioned listing since it was not discussed with the owner.  We will have to be discreet.  I can not promise she will not want it back.  But, I can promise I can try to convince her not to press charges.

I am sure you are looking at that mannequin thinking, "Hmmm.  Don't I know that mannequin from somewhere?  Did we meet at a cocktail party?  Was it on a UPN reality show?"

Problem solved:

SPECIAL NOTE: I have been made aware from several parties that they like what's going on here at takemyblankplease.  That is nice to hear.  Really.  I humbly ask you to please leave a snarky comment here.  It will console me about the sad fact no one has taken any of the previously posted blanks.

Based On Actual Events

FADE IN:

INT. APARTMENT DINING ROOM - LOS ANGELES - PRESENT DAY

AUSTIN IN BOXERS walks up to MEDIA CONSOLE.

MEDIA CONSOLE

What can I do for you?

AUSTIN

Aarrrgh! Talking TV Stand!

MC

Oh, I don't do that anymore.  I was phased out like seven months ago.

AUSTIN

Aarrrgh! Talking Best Buy Furniture Thing!

MC

Well, actually, I prefer to be called a Media Console.  Though, lately, I have been more of an impromptu storage shelf.  I don't know if you remember or not, but you have some stuff inside my little center cabinet.  And, my top swivels which would be handy if you actually put a television on me.  I guess you can use me as a bar, which would be a great idea of you had a party with dwarves or alcoholic children.

AUSTIN runs out of room.

MC

Not cool!  Remember back when I was the centerpiece of your entertainment center?  You go ahead and run.  But, I will always remember the days when you had me stocked up with a DVD player, a Tivo, a VCR, and a Playstation.  You even had me house a pirated cable box that I discreetly hid when the Dish Network guy dropped by.  And, did I complain when the ceiling leaked and caused a minimal amount of water damage to my aforementioned swivel top?

SCUFFED WOODEN CD RACK

Seriously.  Shut up.

END

Kombat!

Sometimes when a man and a woman really like each other they decide to take it to the next level. Sometimes that next level only has room for one set of things. Sometimes the man likes the man set of things. Sometimes the woman does not listen and throws stuff. Sometimes...

It's time for our first session of KOMBAT!

Boils water - His? Yes. Hers? Yes.

Whistles when ready - His? Yes. Hers? Yes.

Is cute - His? Yes. Hers? Yes.

Too hot to handle - His? Yes. Hers? No.

Too cold to hold - His? No. Hers? No.

Has skin like Lindsay Lohan - His? Yes. Hers? No.

May the best kettle win...YOUR HEART!

UPDATE: Due to popular demand (the demand of one matters here at takemyblankplease), you will be able to vote on which kettle you fancy.

His or hers?
	I want his.
	I want hers.
	I don't want one. But, I like his better.
	I don't want one. But, I like drowning puppies.
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Recently Dusted Bookshelf

Maybe, this will help...

Still not enough?  How about some Photoshop to help you visualize storing your Monchichi, Snow Globe and Spice Girl doll collection...

 And, still space for your gold bullion.

Floridian Retiree Dining Table

This was my mom and dad's table. When my sister moved into our old house, it was bequeathed to me. When my roommate did not approve, it was stored. When my ex-girlfriend took back her rickety yellow table, it was unstored. Since, I have had it facing North/South, then against a wall, then against a window, then North/South. It's versatile.

Its favorite memory was 2007 when it was covered with waffles and bacon and a glut of Porto's. Its worst memory was 1986 when my friend Jason was over and I started choking. My dad had to whack my back to get me to spit out some tasty gristle. I know that it was not the same table, but the 1986 table told this table that story and it is still haunted.

It has centerpieced the unread Calvin and Hobbes book collection I bought for my sister, that I kept after finding out she already received one, and decided not to regift to my cousin, Mikey.

It is wood. Let us say pine.
UPDATE: I have been told it is oak. It has a glass top. Two chairs have arms, four do not. The chairs have blue cushions that everyone considers replacing, but never does. The table has that slab to extend it, but if you take the table, you might not get that piece immediately.

If you see anything else you might want in these photos, feel free to lay claim to them. Anything, besides Julie, the colossus, Clint Eastwood and the boomerang.